Marrying couples are always stepping into marriage enthusiastically with the hopes that their marriage will be for eternity. No couple gets married thinking that along the way, the marriage will get so frustrating and the only option is to seek a divorce. Sadly, it happens.
Couples facing dissolution usually attempt to find ways to salvage their marriage. Some couples find the essence of their union and manage to helm the rough patches while others, unfortunately, fail to render everything. It is during these times when the couples ask counsel and experts for the best advice. The decisions accompanying divorce are always critical and the repercussions can last a lifetime, but it bears stressing that the problems and frustrations do not always warrant divorce. Divorce is a personal decision and only you can know what’s right for you.
At the very least, the last-ditch effort lies in you. Before actually turning into divorce as the penultimate solution, remember that there are 7 things to consider before filing for divorce:
1. Do I still have feelings for my spouse?
First thing’s first. It’s better to determine if the feelings that initially created the relationship still exist. Did the problems and petty quarrels make you feel hopeless? If it’s only rust needing a little shrugging, then you should work on it before deciding to divorce. Always remember that even a used, worn-out candle can still be lit as long as the wick remains.
2. Did I exert all the efforts to save my marriage?
Seeing a couple expert therapist might do you favors. If it does not work, try a marriage counselor. If you think the current therapy is not of any help but the marriage is still redeemable, keep seeking for ways before calling it quits. In the end, the best counsel cannot dictate the outcome of your marriage nor can he repair whatever is wrong with your relationship. Always remember what we said before: Divorce is a personal decision and only you can know what’s right for you. Thus, it requires your earnest effort and commitment.
3. Have I looked and accepted my contributions in our difficulties?
One of the reasons why marriages fail is because dysfunctional couples tend to hurl the blame on each other. No one would want to admit his faults and it ends up aggravating the situation. One thing that the couples have to admit is that one way or another, they contributed to the problems. As stated in an article on divorce in the Huffington Post, taking responsibility for your part isn’t the same thing as being fully at fault. No matter what has happened, you’re not responsible for your partner’s behaviors and responses. You are, however, responsible for yours. So admitting your mistakes will make it easier for both of you to work them out together.
4. Are stresses and standards in the way of our marriage?
Married life is accompanied by stressors so strong that the effectiveness of the union may decrease dramatically. Financial burdens, hectic schedules or poor communication may seem so big to resolve. These also contribute to the personal standards the spouses aim to achieve, such as material leisure they rather want, not need. It was said that big problems are often too big to handle alone particularly when there is too much emotional involvement, so before choosing divorce, consider talking the practical and emotional issues together.
5. Are we sexually satisfied?
Sometimes, couples tend to concentrate on the inexistent problems only to realize that the only thing impairing their connection is sex. Lust is an inevitable component of marriage. The good thing about it is that it can go along with love so that an effective sexual counseling may dig into the problem.
6. Is there someone else outside of our marriage contributing to this?
Common notion states that husbands tend to cheat on spouses, but that does not imply that wives do not do so either. If third-parties contribute to your downward spiral, it’s better to assess if the serious still outweighs the fling.
7. Did we consider the impact of this on the children?
Lastly and perhaps more importantly, is there a consideration given to the children as to their future? The dissolution of the marriage may relieve both the spouses but it is only the beginning of the emotional challenge the kids would have to go through. In the end, the children are the ones to feel the repercussions, so it is likely to put their interests on top of the reconsiderations.
These are only 7 things to consider before filing for divorce, yet there are still so many important reasons to take into consideration before putting an end to your once preciously cherished marriage. Divorce is not always the way. Keep looking on the positive side.